October 24, 2009

Needing to have a rant …

My health is shit. My skin is falling off. My face is a scabby mess. Both my eyes are gunky and infected – I can barely see. I’m in agony. I’m exhausted.

So, every morning I wake up ridiculously early after a bad night’s sleep and go to work.

I’m doing mind-numbingly boring work. I’m not being allowed to develop in my role. The project I’m part of is probably winding up soon so my future is up in the air.

Then I go home in the evening.

Men confuse me. There’s someone. He seems to like me. I definitely like him. We get on well. We flirt. We have deep and meaningful conversations. Hot. Cold. Hot. Cold …. So confused.

October 18, 2009

Need to write this down and get rid of it.

I’m in a lot of pain, I’m very tired (not sleeping because of pain and/or codeine-based pain medication), my concentration is rubbish because of tiredness and painkillers ….

My boss is lovely He took me aside on Friday to say he’d noticed I’d been quiet and to ask if I was okay … I nearly cried because he was being so nice about everything and saying that my health was more important than work. The problem is that he noticed. I’m doing my job slowly and badly.

He’s knows I’m not well, but I don’t think he knows exactly what’s wrong with me. I knows I take lots of pills, that I’m in pain and that I’m not sleeping at the moment.

It took me 9 hours to do about 4 hours work on Friday because my brain just wasn’t functioning. I had to keep asking for even really basic things to be explained to me. I felt so useless.

The irony is that on Wednesday, my GP offered to sign me off work and I said no. I’m still in my probabation period at work and even having one day off for a stomach bug was frowned upon (not sure how this fits with boss saying my health should be my priority).

I started the job in July. It’s full time and this is the longest I’ve done a full time job since I got pemphigus. Most of the work since diagnosis has been part time and/or casual, unfortunately I just can’t afford to be part time anymore.

I’m feeling so crap at the moment, mentally and physically.

Bits + pieces August 14, 2009

Had a crap day. Blisters are back. Feel like an ill person.

I made a very small mistake at work and feel disproportionately bad about it. New job has been okay, but today was rubbish. I feel like I got nothing done. I got lumbered with lots of little things and didn’t get to focus on anything for any length of time. I was in early, had a very short lunch, then as I was leaving 30 minutes early someone made a crack about me going early … so today was crap.

Very excited that Paperchase is opening a store in Aberdeen … I do like stationery.

Currently taking 20mg pred and 50mg azathioprine (should be 150mg, but I got worried when the pig flu was going around the office).

Was at a lovely wedding last weekend, but it involved a ot of travelling and two nights away, so I didn’t feel rested on Monday. Will try to make the most of this weekend and catch up on my rest. I get so tired.

Am very overdue for blood tests, but work makes it so difficult since they can only be done in the mornings and I have to be in at work by 9am.

May 26, 2009

Update, update, update.

Now taking azathioprine and prednisolone and slapping on protopic ointment, betnovate lotion and eumovate.

Tired beyond belief, very itchy, very fat, very emotional. Gotta love them side effects.

Unemployed, but with two job offers (one at the library for the summer, the other with the DWP), both dependent on references and disclosure.

Worried about cat number 1 (Boo), she’s old and her behaviour is changing quite rapidly … she’s lethargic, she can barely get up the stairs and she’s not eating much. I love her so much.

At the beginning of the year a blue-grey cat started turning up at the house and made himself at home. He’s a friendly thing, but has an evil twinkle in his eye. Anyway, we’ve decided he’s ours … he’s called Fester.

Dolly and Jet are both as lovely and as dim as ever. I love my animals.

February 28, 2009

I’ve had a crappy few months.  I’m out of a job at the end of March because the Council can’t count/doesn’t like books/needs to buy lots of Blackberries (or something like that), my Gran died, my Gran stuck the boot in to my mother one final time by cutting her out of her will, my pemphie is creeping back, money is tight, I’m depressed … blah.

I’m going to have yet another consultant.  I’d managed to see the same doctor more than once (!!!), but clearly the hospital realised their mistake and have sent him off to do something else.  There seems to be no hope for consistency of care with NHS Grampian.

My pemphie flaring up may be in part my fault.  I have stopped taking my Dapsone.  It was making my heart ‘fluttery’ and it was scaring me.  So now bits of me are falling off, but my heart feels normal.

Work at the library has been okay.  I started at the beginning of December.  The borrowers tend to be either very nice or rather rude, there’s not much in between.  Also, it has made me even more sure that branch libraries benefit enormously from having senior library assistants or librarians who are very involved in the branch.

November 26, 2008

Love this:

Muppet whatnot workshop

Best news in ages September 11, 2008

Rentaghost ‘to make TV comeback’

12 August 2007 August 12, 2007

I just learned that a friend who I fell out of contact with killed herself a couple of weeks ago.  I hope she’s at peace now.

27 May 2007 May 27, 2007

I ordered the bench pictured in the previous post from Dobbies this morning. It’ll be nice to sit out on it with a cup of coffee and watch the natural world go by. It doesn’t appear to be FSC certified wood which I feel slightly guilty about.

The parentals went into town to buy stuff, so I set them a mission to spend my book token on Imperfectly Natural Woman by Janey Lee Grace. I do like book tokens, but I wish they could be spent online. They failed in their mission. Now the question is do I just cave in and buy it from The Book Depository or do I wait until next weekend and finally get rid of my book token?

The NEEPS forum has some good links. I was astonished to find that there is an organic veggie box supplier called Vital Veg just down the road from where I live (I’m currently trying to persuade Mum to give them a go). I also found a handy website to find veg box schemes near you. I also found a link to a handy list of toxic chemicals that can be found in most everyday toiletries. It’s on a commercial website for natural and organic toiletries so the source isn’t exactly neutral, but then again where is?!

My spending spree continues (Must. Stop. Spending. Money) and I have bought a sample of Soap Nuts. I have only just convinced to switch from Tesco non-bio tablets to Tesco Naturally non-bio tablets, so I’m not sure how she’s going to respond to sticking berry shells (they aren’t really nuts apparently) in the washing machine. I was looking at Aquaballs and Ecoballs and other similar ‘ball’ things, but I don’t really understand the science behind them. I asked Mum and Dad (both ex-science teachers) and they seem to think that using the balls is akin to the old fashioned method of washing things by bashing them against rocks at the rivers edge. I sort of understand how soap works – it’s to do with allowing bonds to be made between the water and the grease I think. I presume there is some sort of similar science going on with soap nuts. Anyway, I’ll give them a go and if they work great and I’ll buy some more, if they don’t then I’ve only forked out 1.50, so no great loss.

Final link for the day: The Alcohol-Free Shop. Now, usually I’m not one to turn down an alcoholic drink, but the contents of The Alcohol-Free Shop appeal to me. I love a yummy drink, I have been known to drink about 2l of Diet Coke a day, but the new me now eschews chemical-filled fizzy drinks. This week I’ve been drinking soda and lime, and fizzy water. Yes, there are still chemicals in the lime cordial, but not as many. I’m also giving my liver a little bit of a break and haven’t had a glass of wine in over a week. Anyway, there are alcohol-free wines, beers, juices and soft-drinks, amongst other things.